I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
