How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is classic penis vs brain.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
