there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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