Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
