I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
