That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
