Define "chronic" masturbator.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
