just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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