so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
