Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
