i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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