so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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