She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
