turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
