it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
