the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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