What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
