I just made out with a guy for $7.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
