Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
