This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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