I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
