i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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