whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
