I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
