i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I can't put those talents on a resume
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
