How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
