it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
