I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
