every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
