What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
