I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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