I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
