there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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