He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
