Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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