I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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