2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
