I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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