I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
