haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
