oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
