I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Never underestimate the power of titties
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