My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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