i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
