I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
