The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
