She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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