sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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