Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
