You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
