I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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