is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Bring me that man meat
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
