so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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