i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
