oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
