if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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