no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
