The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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