Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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