did you get engaged???
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
