god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
