when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
