the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
