my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're like the curious george of whores
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
