My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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