The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
