i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
