You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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