did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
