rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
