she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
