So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
