i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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