Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
