You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
