Cold hands, warm shart.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
