seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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