My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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