Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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