Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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