You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
