I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
