They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Randomize
