IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
