Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
