Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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